I am so glad you landed here!
It hardly seems possible that another summer (oh, the summer....) has slipped by and here we are, in autumn.
Almost into Winter already. Halloween came and went in a cacophony of explosive sky art and a crackle of bonfires.
Today, I am in a confessionary sort of mood.
Therefore you, dear friend, get to play the role of the creepy vicar on the other side of the Cyber divider in this fictional confession box.
Most of 2017 was a musical and creative desert. I finished recording my EP, (Cat Elliott, “Through and Through”,) in February.
Then I completely lost momentum. Ran out of steam.
All inspiration and motivation fled. I couldn’t figure out what to do next. Mostly because I wasn’t actually sure about where I was going.
Difficult to move toward a goal if you don’t actually have one. I was just inexplicably in a funk.
So springtime was desolate. I worried about my lack of desire to play.
“Where oh where did you go, oh Muso Mojo?” I inwardly wailed.
The piano was there. The guitar was there. I turned my nose up at both.
Things were looking decidedly bleak my friends.
First world problems... I know, I know....But happily, I was....
Saved by a Break!
In July, I ran away to Italy for 10 days to stay with friends.
I’m not sure how this came about, but for the entire time I had a guitar practically glued to my side.
I took it everywhere and played my heart out.
The sun, the fun and the lack of pressure restored me to full bounce mode.
When I returned to the smokey grind I was equipped with a new and more optimistic frame of mind (apart from being utterly depressed about leaving Italy and my wonderful friends behind, more about which you can read here.)
I was still a little unsure about where my music was going, but now it didn’t matter.
Because apparently, a switch had finally flicked in my head, and I now know life is about enjoying the journey.
That success is more of a process than an attainable object.
True, the goal or destination itself is the thing that gets you moving in the first place.
But the actual real value and pleasure is in the doing of all the little things along the way. Doing them for their own sake instead of treating them as a means to an end.
Falling in love again...
So having ditched the expectation and pressure of some concrete result (for now) I have fallen once again in love. With my music and my songs, with singing and expressing myself.
It feels good once more. And for the first time in my life, feeling good feels good enough.
So, here in fresh November, I’m thinking about how 2017 has been a rollercoaster of discovering lots of useful stuff about myself. The good the bad and the ugly. Likes, loves, dislikes. What I want and don’t want. My outlook and attitude have changed for the better.
After a lifetime of shiny object syndrome, chasing any new opportunity or distraction, I finally decided to really commit to being a music maker.
Focus, at long last, on the one thing I always come back to after each and every wild goose chase.
Mind made up, I feel nervously excited. And oddly relieved! It’s tiring (and tiresome) and demoralising being pulled in too many directions.
Who can relate to that?
Nothing wrong with being Inquisitive and curious. Life is full of interesting things to discover and explore. But there has to be a Foundation. A Home Base. A Nucleus. Central Point. Whatever. Something to anchor yourself in what is real and true for you.
Something to return to which is more important, more valuable to you than being anywhere or doing anything else.
A place of purpose and “well being”.
For me, the anchor is “making music.”
Always has been, probably always will be.
What next?
Well, I am baby-stepping my way to releasing the EP.
All things being blessed, by the second week of January, it will be available for anyone who wants it.
Hallelujah!
That was another thing. There’s me naively thinking;
“Oh, I think I’ll just put the songs on my website and on CD Baby now”.
Um, no you won’t, Elliott.
Because first you must register with certain societies and do some homework.
Then some legwork. Then some artwork.
Then you may sell your music.
OK, OK. I get it.
Like I said, baby steps.
So, I will keep you posted.
So life in general has been a 180 degree spin from “what’s the point?” and “where do I start?” to
“Hey, bring it on! This is fun! What’s next!?”
Thanks for sharing the journey with me. Bonus points if you’ve actually persevered to the end of this super long post!
If anything I’ve rambled on about here resonates, I’d love to know your thoughts.
Have you ever felt tugged in too many directions, or had trouble knowing for sure what you really want to do?
What’s your Home Base? That place or activity that puts you more in flow and makes you feel more “you” than anything else?
Share with us in the comments below!
So, Guys, Girls. Have a lovely day or evening or holiday.
Shine on.
Cat x